The Christian Olympics


(written with help from Donna)

With all the christian mock-ups of perfectly harmless secular activities and products, I’m surprised that Christendom has yet to produce its own Olympic games.

How many years has it been since Chariots of Fire?  Nearly 30? That should’ve been enough motivation.

Sure, there have been Christians in the Olympics but what great joy would it be to witness the awe-inspiring athleticism of amazing saints all-as-one running as if to win the prize?  Alleluia!  I get cardiomyopic just thinking about it.

The regular Olympics have the motto, “Faster, Higher, Stronger.”  I agree with A. Noble who said (regarding the Christian games), “The goal of every event is to come in last.”  Our motto would be, “First place is the first loser.”

Prizes to be awarded upon death.

We couldn’t call them the X games because 1. that name is already taken and 2. too many of us believe X is used to remove Christ (this is not the case).  Perhaps, we’d go with ChristGames or Holympics.

The pagans have their recognizable “5 Rings” which everyone knows is a giant endorsement of polytheism.  We’d go with a single ring with sprinkles.  It might look something like this:

We’d keep the ceremonial Olympic flame but with the acknowledgment that the flame represents the Holy Spirit.

The ideal location for the first year would either be Jerusalem or in Orlando near the Holy Land Experience.

Christian celebs like Stephen Baldwin, Mr. T, and BibleMan would serve as Olympic delegates.  The Christian Olympic Committee would meet in Nicaea whenever necessary.

Here are 10 games which might be included:

  1. Fruit of the Spirit Eating Contest
  2. Bringing in the Sheaves
  3. Shot Put (with mountains)
  4. Bible Drills!
  5. Backsliding Down a Slippery Slope
  6. Dunking Booth
  7. Jousting (with the full armor of God!)
  8. Water-walking (only for the most faithful)
  9. 100 m Sprint to KFC
  10. Interpretive Dance

Thoughts? Suggestions?

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3 Responses to The Christian Olympics

  1. Nathan says:

    You forgot the most important event of all… ‘fishing for man’

  2. Chase says:

    That’d be an interesting sight, indeed.

  3. S.E.Gregg says:

    Did you know that there is a Christian Olympics going on right now?

    http://www.amazon.com/Christian-Olympics-Going-Gold-Crowns/dp/1597815306

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