Haunted by God?

In the parable of the talents, Jesus describes one man who buries his talent afraid to misuse it. God is not very happy with him to say the least, mainly for assuming him to be unfair and bearing impossible standards. I always thought that guy was an idiot. He could have put that money to good use but he just put it in the ground. But lately, I see I am that idiot.

And still, I find myself trapped in an unhealthy way of thinking. I want to write. I want to break into the business. I have some ideas sacred and others secular. By secular, I mean not directly related to telling the Great Commission or pointing others to Christ. Are these things not valuable then? Do people in less creative or less communication related careers struggle with this?

There are two forms of revelation which God uses to speak to people: common and particular. The common is every way in which God is evidenced in nature, culture, or seemingly ordinary events. The particular is Jesus and by extension the spreading of that good word to people who haven’t heard it and for those who have heard and responded, the benefit of salvation.

The superior of these is no doubt the particular. I feel guilty when my big ideas are not so dare I say, purpose driven. For example, what if I were to write about the theatre of the last century, would it be necessary that I craft that into an exploration of the gospel according to…?

I feel ashamed for wanting to forego giving my own Christian take with every article or essay I construct. Yet, it is clearly the most identifiable feature of my personality. It occurs to me that the work may, in fact, be ruined, if I push that agenda. Perhaps, then it shouldn’t be written at all. Or should it?

The plan would never be to deny my faith or to uphold the opposition. The hope would be that I could by writing to the best of my ability, honor God, and represent Him as effectively as humanly possible so that others lives would benefit from that. The other hope would be that I could support my family by writing. But, are both of these a lack of faith?

Should I not if and when the world is reached or bettered are issues entirely left up to God and that I am faithless for plotting and planning? Is my hope to feed my family just a better way of saying I don’t trust God to? I don’t know but all of this makes me crazy. And no matter what, I don’t think crazy is a virtue.

I must discipline my mind. All of this is certainly best left to God. That is why if I do write technical pieces or poems of minutiae or what-have-you, God will use it as He so pleases. The only thing I can do is focus my attention toward Him so that I can discern what my best ideas are.

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